People who are incapable of seeing that the world doesn’t revolve around them are completely undeserving of respect. I just cannot fathom how people work themselves into a fury over something that wasn’t their business to begin with. 

Take for example a recent argument of mine: I was changing the fish tank. My birthday fish – Hall, Oates and Boyle – were beginning to poop, triple-time, and it was just one of those lazy afternoons where old reruns of Friends could take you so far without making you feel like an unproductive potato.

I was changing the tank, when my mother strolled in unannounced and started nagging five ways to Sunday about “all the wrong steps” I was taking that were most probably killing my fish. I rolled my eyes and shrugged it off. She pursued her nagging relentlessly, going on and on about how she used to rear fish and I was just screwing it all up.

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I am a major MAJOR Ernest Cline fan, especially when it comes to his hit novel, Ready Player One. It was recommended to me by Aaron – a man who has never voluntarily picked up a book in his life – yet could finish this one in a single afternoon. “Man,” I thought to myself. “This had better be good.”

As a result of my insane vertigo, I opted for Audible’s narration of the hardback instead, featuring Will Wheaton, aka. everyone’s favourite nemesis on The Big Bang Theory. Thanks to Wheaton’s incredible articulation and zealous narration skills, I have listened to Ready Player One at least 25 times from cover to cover, and I have yet to be disappointed.

That is, until Steven Spielberg’s film version of Ready Player One hit theatres this March. 

Ze: One refers to a person with ze typically (a) when their gender is unknown, and one wishes to avoid assuming their gender, or (b) when they are neither male nor female in gender, making he and she (and also either/or terms like s/he or (s)he) inappropriate and potentially hurtful.

I had a friend back in Secondary school who found a scrap bit of paper in the classroom bin. It dictated a conversation between two unknown individuals – what with the famed 00s’ coloured gel inks – with a special shoutout to “Tish the class b*tch”, who had the “gall to refer to herself as the future Miss Universe.” 

Yes, this really happened. But I was 14 and ambitious, pre-realisation of my passion of being a writer, and not just a pretty face.

I do not have photos of me before the age of 19. Thanks, hard drives.

Having flitted from external hard drive to hard drive throughout my teenage years – (Cloud wasn’t a big thing back then) all of which ended in broken whirring messes, leaving me penniless and laden with stress-induced migraines – I finally conceded that these supposed storage ‘life-savers’ and I were never meant to be.