I’m a self-professed ambivert, having stated on numerous occasions of my predisposition in getting mentally drained after each conversation – no matter how energetic or engaging I started out the day being.
I’m not talking about the exhaustion of coordinating project work in school, or the need to collaborate with lesser (or lazier minds), where one was forced to communicate with others with different frequency levels and/or who disagreed with your opinions. Those conversations – though tiring – had a structure and were predictably irrational. Yes, they were tear-your-brains-out irritating, but at least people were honest with their feelings – disagreeable or otherwise.
But it’s as if I’ve fallen into a reverse Wonderland and Alice is nowhere to be found. A place where honesty is in critical short supply and people seemingly rewarded for wasting everyone else’s time.
For me to expect honesty in the world we currently live in, is a joke. It would be tough for anyone to be pressured into fitting into a world where people opt for games of one-up instead of straightforward collaboration, and ungenuine statements instead of simply speaking their minds.
And the ironic thing is this: Unbeknownst to these game-players, people around them aren’t stupid and are aware of what they’re up to.
Conversations in the real world have become tragically stunted, people left-right-centre paralysed with the fear of actually speaking their minds. Either terrified of the whiplash, the potential disagreements, or the fear of looking stupid or rejected. Instead they aim to reiterate previous points, go in merry-go-round circles and never getting to the point, and/or watching their words so carefully that would-be casual banters turn into painfully awkward interactions that make everyone uneasy.
People get upset all the time with others, citing the reluctance of others in ‘looping them in’ or being treated a different way than others. But I think the problem lies within. People are more intuitive than we give them credit for – Distrust can be sensed and even more so for emotions like jealousy, feelings of incompetence, irritation and other misunderstood feelings.
Before you look to others and assume the worst – Why not give people the benefit of the doubt? From long tiring days to inferiority complexes, there are so many reasons, so many paths and so many unexplained explanations – Unowed to you but existent nonetheless. Maybe their parents expected unachievable standards or their partners financially unreliable. Perhaps they feel insecure and this reflected in their demeanour. Or it could simply be that their toes are odd-shaped and this somehow aggravates them greatly.
I’m twenty-odd, yet this observation of the world rings loud and true:
Oh, the weight that these two words. So simple, and yet a concept so hard to grasp.